Woodland Humor Fan Gifts

Tree gossip.

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

Dedication to excellence....

"Steve? Hold on, lemme grab my fiddle."

Cattlemans Saloon.

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"My mum's favourite recipes are: birch with mayonnaise, oak with tomato sauce, hazel with Dijon mustard, beech with salt and pepper and pine with soy sauce..."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Early American Think tank

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Close, but no cigar!

Professor Philips finally settles the debate on bears lavatorial habits,

'No. I insist. You first.'

"I heard this dumpster got a bad review, but we'll try it out anyhow."

Bulltoon: Unbelievabull.

"Wanna swap lunch? My wife packed me birch again..."

'Sure, the farmer always shouts or whistles at me, but deep down, he's a softy...'

'The flag tore loose, Steve -- run back down to the village and get a needle and thread.'

"We need any eggs?"

"A little to the left. No, too far. Go back three inches and straight down."

Sinking Cow

Note to self: Learn how to use Dictaphone!

'Ben's idea of small game is that miniature collie next door.'

Bear in hotdog eating contest.

Seasoned firewood

'She's waiting for her ship to come in, and I'm waiting for the cows to come home!'