Woodland Humor Fan Gifts

Tree gossip.

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

Dedication to excellence....

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"Steve? Hold on, lemme grab my fiddle."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"My mum's favourite recipes are: birch with mayonnaise, oak with tomato sauce, hazel with Dijon mustard, beech with salt and pepper and pine with soy sauce..."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

Cattlemans Saloon.

Early American Think tank

"I touched another squirrel's nuts. Any other questions?"

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Close, but no cigar!

Professor Philips finally settles the debate on bears lavatorial habits,

Bulltoon: Unbelievabull.

'No. I insist. You first.'

"I heard this dumpster got a bad review, but we'll try it out anyhow."

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

"Wanna swap lunch? My wife packed me birch again..."

I'm a Smart-Cow!

'Sure, the farmer always shouts or whistles at me, but deep down, he's a softy...'

Note to self: Learn how to use Dictaphone!

'Those plug in air-fresheners seem to do the trick.'

Bear in hotdog eating contest.

"A little to the left. No, too far. Go back three inches and straight down."

'The flag tore loose, Steve -- run back down to the village and get a needle and thread.'

Sinking Cow

'Ben's idea of small game is that miniature collie next door.'

"We need any eggs?"

'I'm not packing - This is my BlackBerry.'

'Did you see Doctor Who last night?'

'She's waiting for her ship to come in, and I'm waiting for the cows to come home!'