Wood Whisperer Gifts

"I thought we'd decided to go with the maple."

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

'This is mahogany, folks, the kind of quality plank termites make a real home in.'

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

Floorist: 'Say it with Timber'

"What kind of fire, hon - oak, maple, or apple?"

"If I'm not being too personal, how much do you pay for a cord of wood?"

Le javelot pour bûcheron.

"Redwood or oak?"

'The lumber company may not sell anything for new construction, but it sure is cleaning up on selling wood for boarding up houses.'

'I need just a hair cut off this.'

"Anybody know where I can get a piece of ash?"

Practical Woodworm...

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

'Esther, is it possible, just possible mind you, that your green thumb has gone berserk?'

Wolf Karaoke

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

Bassoons.

'Now it fits.'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

But there are other pleasures still for the fisherman's delight....for nature is everywhere about him.

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

He is happy to take almost any kind of fish...

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Timber preservation

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."