Wood Chewer Gifts

He starts a lot of projects but doesn't finish them.

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

'You said you wanted a F-A-C-E chord.'

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

'How much did you say we'd be saving by buying a wood-burning stove?'

Whittlers Mother

The sounds of a tree falling in the forest.

The Lumberjack and the Yule Log

Loggerheads

"January 11. Still struggling with the novel. Chopped more firewood."

"Any beaver can cut down trees, but marquetry, now that's art."

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'Arnold, blow the whole depot, then hightail it out of here.'

"Let me guess, you fell asleep chewing bubble gum again..."

'I just don't understand what the big deal is about kiln dried lumber.'

Sawrd Fighting

Pinochio's Computer

"I always wondered why they called you detectives, 'gum shoes'."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

Man cutting a tree using a axe connected to a machine

Floorist: 'Say it with Timber'

Bicycle Pie Chart

A lumberjack leans against a giant pencil that reads "Giant Sequoia Brand No .2".

Take your Daughter to Word Day

Man talking to a tree.

"Well, Mr Baskerville, the only puppy hound I have left is this little guy right here." A legend is born.

"Of course trees can walk. We're just lazy."

Due to rising fuel prices and tired of dodging kickback, Fred tries an alternative method of cutting firewood.

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

'The lumber company may not sell anything for new construction, but it sure is cleaning up on selling wood for boarding up houses.'

Paranoid Woodcutter Suspicious of Trees