Wood Chuckler Gifts

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

World of Cow.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

Keyboard in Heaven

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"...heat escapes through your head. Lose the hat and you might make it through April"

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Sounds like a lot of 'EIEIO' to me!"

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.

Missing Parsons.

Error 404: the saviour you're looking for has been removed.

Ecclesiastical Eye Test

Church: Built by Guilt.

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?