Chart Chewer Gifts

Bicycle Pie Chart

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"Uh-Oh..."

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

ACME Balloon Company.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"It's his ego growth chart."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'Perkins, you really know to suck the joy out of a 3rd quarter report.'

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

'And right here they merged...'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"Oh, I can't complain"

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"We've met our target on a 25% uplift in sales but that still leaves us 100% bankrupt."

"And here is where we started putting profits before people."