Witty Workers Gifts

Repetitive Strain Injury? Call this number 0776749810732968...

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

You're Out Of Order

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"I'm sorry Perkins, but dying at your desk is a strict breach of company policy!"

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

'Congratulations, Henderson -- I'm promoting you from henchman to crony.'

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

"His schlock has gravitas."

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

"No, you can't borrow my pen."

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson - You really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'

"I preferred it when you micromanaged more openly."

'Liz, send someone in. My tip jar is empty.'

Malcolm Muggeridge

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'

"He got this new circle and now he says he's part of some protection racket."