Witty Workers Pillows

Repetitive Strain Injury? Call this number 0776749810732968...

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"We're looking for a workaholic with another job that'll provide the pension and health benefits we don't provide."

'I'm worried about all these unemployed. They're still on our payroll'

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

You're Out Of Order

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

"I'm sorry Perkins, but dying at your desk is a strict breach of company policy!"

'The resume is handwritten because I am not very good with computers' - The LAST thing you should say in ANY job interview.

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

'Congratulations, Henderson -- I'm promoting you from henchman to crony.'

'Relax! I've come for your management skills, which you have not upgraded in years.'

"His schlock has gravitas."

"No, you can't borrow my pen."

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

'Liz, send someone in. My tip jar is empty.'

"Incentive program, you mean like your paycheck?"

'I've had my eye on you, Johnson - You really know how to scurry about aimlessly.'

"I preferred it when you micromanaged more openly."

"He got this new circle and now he says he's part of some protection racket."

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'

"Oh, no. I brought my dinner plans by mistake."