Witty Office Worker Pillows

Safety First.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'Wow, I sure got a lot of mail today!'

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

Call Your Office

"I've been kept on hold so often, I'm really developing a taste for easy listening music."

'Item 56(B), we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have a meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings!'

"I now represent both death and taxes."

Ordnance: 'explode...implode'.

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

"I'm listing my deadlines by due date so I can miss them in chronological order."

"It happened either over the weekend or when I left the office today for lunch."

"I apologize, sir, but I'm having trouble finding a technician willing to come out and remove the insidious fire creature from your computer."

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

"Every time he elbow bumps me, he hits my funny bone on purpose."

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

The disgruntled employees were brought down with tranquilizer darts, ending the worst pillow fight in recent memory.

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

'Congratulations, Henderson -- I'm promoting you from henchman to crony.'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your car in the parking lot with a laptop.

"No, you can't borrow my pen."

My Day - elevator magazine

"When Human Resources said that we needed a more diverse workforce I'm not sure THAT'S what they meant!"

"The myth of Sisyphus fact-checked • Real name 'Manny' • 40-hour workweek • Weekends off • 'Sisyphus' used stand-ins • 'Boulder' made of papier-mâché *Actual slope"

"Woodpecker gets an office job."

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'

'Reading the want ads? No, they just happened to be on the same page as this fascinating story on...um...cosmetics.'

"Miss Plum, send in security please"

'We're looking for a candidate who is good at handling unexpected situations!'