Witty Wall Climber Pillows

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Due To High Winds Crawling Is Banned Today

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Knights of the iPhone

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

Wise Cracker

Death Watch

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

"First you forget the flag! Now you tell me you don't know how to yodel!"

"I thought you meant a football pool."

Picasso's brew period.

'When I said you will get an office with windows, I was referring to the operating system on the computer.'

Never Apologize for Being Yourself

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

'Some boys think I'm pretty. Some think I'm ugly. What do you think?'

"Be nice to people climbing the wall, because you'll meet them again rappelling down."

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"What do I do when I get to the top?"

Rock climber getting books from top shelf

'It's nothing personal. It's just that going after your job is in my job description.'

Inattentive Boy