Witty Walkers Pillows

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

Tiptoe through the tulips with me!

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"How the heck could you forget your sword?"

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

You're Out Of Order

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Circus Stilt-Walker with Girlfriend.

Wise Cracker

Technical specifications: semi-automatic 1.2 mm cartoon launcher. 7.5 inch barrels holds a full stick of graphite. Fires rounds of sarcasm, satire and spoofs. Takes out religious fanatics with sharp wit.

Knights of the iPhone

Soho walking society

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

Woman walking a pelvis on a lead.

Death Watch

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

"Master, I'm looking for enlightenment!"

"I thought you meant a football pool."

Mildred takes a shortcut to the shops. . .

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"His schlock has gravitas."

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

Malcolm Muggeridge

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'