Wall Climber Pillows

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

Coach. Your gymnastics routine was great until the dismount.

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

Upward Progress

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

"Since global warming the Abominable Snowman is much less frightening than he used to be."

'You're going to have to work your way up to the ground floor like everyone else.'

'What a time to return from climbing! There's not way your coming into this house tonight.'

"OK-WHO THREW THAT..??

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

Mountain climbers face a closed route.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'I'll clobber the first joker who ask me if I enjoyed my 'Winter Break'!'

Building business relations.

If a moo can rise to the top, so can I.

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

The Path

Planting a Flag on the Summit

"Remember when everyone told you this job would lead you nowhere? Well, you've arrived!"

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

Mountain climbers, "Someone's been here before us."

"Mrs. Beasley, send the employees a memo stating that, from now on, they are to refer to me as 'Alpha Male'."

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of being a painter are the hardest.'

"The itsy-bitsy spider went up the corporate ladder. And he didn't care how many lives he ruined along the way. I know, this isn't the book Simon & Schuster wants. But it's the damn truth."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

'I told you that rock wall climbing would be useful. I'll get our ball back with no trouble at all.'

Bad times to sneeze