Witty Trader Gifts

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'Oh, and one more thing

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

"Our founder was a real joker. That's the first silver dollar he ever glued to the floor."

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

Mechanics price list.

One Way/Two Ways.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

Slow food.

Never judge a nose job at face value.

"You've put on weight."

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

"Mr. Berkowitz, I and my Jewish career counselor, hereby wish you a mazel tov on your birthday."

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

"I like it, but the women will never wear it."

St. Lukes Church: Pray and Display

"As you know, Ed, my pockets are considerably deeper than yours. Therefore, in addition to my share I'll be needing a percentage of yours."

"Probably shouldn't have finished off the saltines."

"I happen."

A Women Out For A Walk With Her Children.

"I'd like something profound, witty, and outrageously irreverent."