Trading Wit Gifts

"All I know is, I named my pet porcupine Bill Ackman, and he immediately lost a hundred points."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Where do you get your inspiration?"

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

'Your report captures the long and short of it, O'Toole; but it's lacking in breadth and depth.'

"No, I don't think your decisions are too Draconian. Do you think my decisions are too Draconian?"

UK car industry hobbled by Brexit

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

Bow first.

'He writes one great work of fiction every year...his tax return.'

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

'Ejection, your Honor!!'

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

"As you know, Ed, my pockets are considerably deeper than yours. Therefore, in addition to my share I'll be needing a percentage of yours."

Ignorance of the law rarely keeps some attorneys from practicing it.

'We've enjoyed your incandescent personality, but we're replacing you with Amanda who has a more efficient fluorescent personality.'

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

Corn Plaster

'What wine goes with eternity?'

'The bank returned our loan application.'

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous