Trading Wit Gifts

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

"Where do you get your inspiration?"

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

'Your report captures the long and short of it, O'Toole; but it's lacking in breadth and depth.'

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

UK car industry hobbled by Brexit

"No, I don't think your decisions are too Draconian. Do you think my decisions are too Draconian?"

'He writes one great work of fiction every year...his tax return.'

Bow first.

'Why do they have to be ivory knitting needles?'

'Ejection, your Honor!!'

'What do you mean 'What would Jane Austen do?''

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

News on television: 'On Wall Street, stocks rebounded on news that 'up' and 'down' are just states of mind.'

'Before I give you your bill, Mr Fraser, can I ask you to step onto the crash-mat.'

"As you know, Ed, my pockets are considerably deeper than yours. Therefore, in addition to my share I'll be needing a percentage of yours."

Ignorance of the law rarely keeps some attorneys from practicing it.

'We've enjoyed your incandescent personality, but we're replacing you with Amanda who has a more efficient fluorescent personality.'

STRIP Hambone: Stolen laptops

Corn Plaster

'The bank returned our loan application.'

Walter from Gamblers Anonymous

Bob would go to any lengths to avoid public speaking.