Financial Wit Gifts

'All denominations are welcome in this church... fives, tens, twenties...'

'He writes one great work of fiction every year...his tax return.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"What's a debenture?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Soaring Profits

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Dow Jones drop

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Money exchange

'We must grasp this new opportunity'

Saving for College.

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

I want to make this company green the old fashion way...

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."