Witty Sayings Pillows

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"Dogs are men."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

You trip on it, you buy it.

'He never listened to his mother!'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Have you noticed how the grass is always greener on the other side?'

Bell Hop

Male On Sunday

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Heart To Heart

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"More aphorisms, please!"

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

Change Of Heart

'I thought I could dance...'

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"