Witty Sayings Pillows

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

And if he wants to keep his job, the early bird better get me a coffee, too.

"Dogs are men."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

To paraphrase Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca," "Of all the comic strips in all the newspapers in all the world, you walk into mine." ? ? ?

You trip on it, you buy it.

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

'He never listened to his mother!'

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

'Have you noticed how the grass is always greener on the other side?'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

Bell Hop

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Heart To Heart

Male On Sunday

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

"More aphorisms, please!"

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

"So you're saying if I wasn't so smart, I'd have more friends?"

So I said, If I'm guilty of anything, it's loving you too much. Apparently, that's not what you're supposed to say to a traffic court judge.

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

"We should have taken a eweber."