Witty Banter Pillows

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

"I felt the Earth Move!"

I need advice and if you ever tall anyone I asked, you're dead. Go ahead. People aren't taking me seriously. When I insult them, they don't seem that bothered. They don't cry or run away like they used to. C'mon, you're plenty offensive. Don't patronize me you @#$% meathead. Wow. Didn't bother me a bit.

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Brunette girlfriend " I quite like your beard. You are only half as ugly now."

Heart To Heart

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Touché"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I'll have a man overboard!"

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

Cold caller.

A lesson in wit

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Know-it-alls

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."

Full Of Beans