Witty Wordsmithing Pillows

'No - I've been mis-sold PIP implants.'

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Backfire

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

Best Seller

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

Mother Goose's Haiku

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

You trip on it, you buy it.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Sharp Eyes

A Poet

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Shakespeare Ave

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."