Witty Wordsmiths Pillows

"His schlock has gravitas."

"He got this new circle and now he says he's part of some protection racket."

Smart people learn from experience - other peoples'.

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'They're lovely, but I want you to know I never say yes on first negotiations.'

"Yeah. I called you a low-down, yellow-bellied polecat. But I didn't mean to hit send."

'After reading all of these glowing obituaries, I thought you'd be taller.'

Clancy: Taking Everything with a Pinch of Salt

Girls with great limbs never worry about their family tree.

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

You're Out Of Order

Spring a Leek

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Best Seller

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Mother Goose's Haiku

A Poet

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'He never listened to his mother!'

Shakespeare Ave

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"