Wise Wordsmith Pillows

Lemonade and counsel

"I need a five letter word that starts with 'Ca'."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

I think you're ace

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Intellectual Foreplay...

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

Accountant Manqué

You trip on it, you buy it.

'He never listened to his mother!'

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

A Poet

Shakespeare Ave

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Bell Hop

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

Tom Stoppard

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'