Witty Retort Fans Pillows

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

'A cheeky red?'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Heart To Heart

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

People want as much government as they deserve.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'I think I've solved my drinking problem.'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

'Never mind dear, at least you cut him with your razor sharp wit.'

GPs press for sick note reform