Witty Remark Fans Pillows

'Well,actually-I'm two years younger than Kylie!'

'A cheeky red?'

The Snarky District

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Heart To Heart

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

People want as much government as they deserve.

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

I'm thinking about cutting off my ear, just like my idol, Vincent Van Gogh. You're a comic strip character, Al. Just use an eraser.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

GPs press for sick note reform