Witty Remark Collector Pillows

The Snarky District

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

"No problem. Of course I'll do the job for you. When I think you need it."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Touché"

The New World Order

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

Kebab doner card

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

"Don't look a gift horse in the ass, either."

'Bet you 10 thousand dollars, no make that 10 million dollars!...That I'm getting more Super-Pac campaign funding than you are!'

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

I only eat animals that were vegetarians

Ploughing your own furrow

'Play ball!' 'What, no foreplay?'

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

"I'm tired - let's call it tall enough."

'Leonard never puts off till tomorrow what he can drink today.'

"Thank you for the drink, but, no, you may not have my 'e mail' address."

'You're the only man I know who brightens a room when he leaves.'

"Look Tom, I love your pithy take on pop culture, it's just the rest of you that I despise."

"Thank you. His passing was quite sudden."