Witty Remark Collector Gifts

The Snarky District

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

"No problem. Of course I'll do the job for you. When I think you need it."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Touché"

The New World Order

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"He painted 300 pictures in his lifetime. 1000 of which are in England."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

Will Work for Food: By 'work' I mean do nothing. . . by 'food' I mean cash.

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

'I'm having trouble with drinking. . . I'm getting Arthritis in my elbow.'

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

'Somebody spiked the punch!'

Kebab doner card

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

'Bet you 10 thousand dollars, no make that 10 million dollars!...That I'm getting more Super-Pac campaign funding than you are!'

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

Young Girl: 'Oh YEAH?! Well my Mum's Toy Boy is YOUNGER than YOUR Mum's!'

"Don't look a gift horse in the ass, either."

'I've been lucky with men - I haven't met any yet...'

'Play ball!' 'What, no foreplay?'

Life's toughest decision-when to start middle age.

I only eat animals that were vegetarians

Ploughing your own furrow

"I'm tired - let's call it tall enough."

"Thank you for the drink, but, no, you may not have my 'e mail' address."

'Leonard never puts off till tomorrow what he can drink today.'

I guess Living in my parents basement does sound better than tried to overthrow my dad in a coup.

They've got birthday cards out already and it's not anywhere near my birthday!

Dear diary, Today I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Well, not really. I just said that to get your attention. But I did knock a spider into the bathtub just to watch him drown.

Cafe Chichi. Are you together? I am, but I don't know about him.