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'Well,actually-I'm two years younger than Kylie!'

'A cheeky red?'

The Snarky District

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Heart To Heart

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Yes, mother, I'm recharging."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

Edwina momentarily considered sarcasm. . .

People want as much government as they deserve.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"You're right. It does look better around your neck."

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."