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"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

You're always saying I make you want to be a better man, Lance, but it's taking you forever. Maybe it would save time if you just became a worse woman.

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'-are your ears burning too?'

'A cheeky red?'

Carrie used sunscreen but it didn't completely block all the Rays. 'Hey, baby...Name's Raymond.What's yours?'

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"That is not what I call casual sex, Jennifer...I'm exhausted."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Heart To Heart

Cold caller.

When Stupid People Get an Idea

The Gilmore Girls

A lesson in wit

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

Know-it-alls

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'