Witty Patient Gifts

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

Give it to me straight, Doc — what's the bottom line?

'What do you mean, I get a reprieve from my wife's cooking? My wife is a cook here at the hospital.'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"I see there's been an improvement in your athlete's foot."

'You don't need to worry about your records being sold to the highest bidder...they'll bugger it and sell them off cheap!'

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

Man sitting in hospital bed notices a Goldfish swimming in his Intravenous Bag.

'Very funny!'

Some patients may want to know more than others.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

"The bad news is you do have a lump the size of a golf ball. The good news is my tests indicate it's just a golf ball."