Witty Healthcare Worker Gifts

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Happy Birthday to you.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

Nurse cautioning a patient

"Let's not talk about your diagnosis. It depresses me too much."

'The plastic funnel will keep him from biting his stitches.'

Plastic Surgery

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

Safety First.

"This is really a hospital with a touch of class. They collect urine samples in champagne glasses."

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

'You call all this a side-effect?'

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

Covid Cycle

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"

"Anyone else for a prostate test?"

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

'According to the films, it appears I've left an instrument inside you. Luckily, I can fix that in Photoshop.'