Witty Healthcare Worker Gifts

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Happy Birthday to you.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

Just Browsing.

'Maintenance to the O.R....Maintenance to the O.R....'

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

"Your appointment's been cancelled. You took too long filling out those forms."

"These aspirin are for me. That patient in room 102 is a real pain!"

Nurse cautioning a patient

Plastic Surgery

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

'The plastic funnel will keep him from biting his stitches.'

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

'Doctor will you step out here and adjust Mr. Hendrick's pacemaker?'

'The amputation went well Mr. Johnstone but we have had one slight hiccup.'

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

'Yes, I suppose it's worth a try - after all we have nothing to lose.'

'Sorry, we don't know as much as we'd like to about warming a stethoscope.'

Safety First.

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

"This is really a hospital with a touch of class. They collect urine samples in champagne glasses."

'I've mislaid a scalpel.'

Covid Cycle

"Yesss, I've cured many cases of hypochondria with a hypodermic."

"Anyone else for a prostate test?"

'Take 2 of these pills last thing at night. And 2 if you wake up in the morning.'

"They said it'd take time to expel the air pumped in during the procedure"

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

'You call all this a side-effect?'

'Where should I put the dirty bed linen?' 'On the beds.'

"The next patient is complaining of a running nose."

"We got the results back from the post-mortem. It appears he was still alive before we started it."