Witty Minds Pillows

'You know what... Put that on my bank account!'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Bed Spread"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

A woman is as young as she feels like admitting to.

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Dad, my web toon characters can't be normal! They have to be stereotyped crazies who are totally abnormal!"

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

You trip on it, you buy it.

Sharp Eyes

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Male On Sunday

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

You're Out Of Order

Bell Hop

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

Change Of Heart

'I thought I could dance...'

"High Fashion"

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.