Witty Kitchen Artist Pillows

Silly Seasoning

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"I love these old decorations!"

'I was in the catering corps.'

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

You're the icing on my cupcake!

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Amy Sedaris

Avocado Timeline

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Decaying corpse

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"The holiday roast has yams, petters, carrots, pumpkin, parsnips, and tomato. What shall we call it?"

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"Sucker!" / "Stirrer!"

'...and how much experience have you of sushi making?'

"I'm looking for something a little more open pan."