Culinary Artist Who Loves Jokes Pillows

Boiling Point

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'The Burrito King.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"