Witty Aristocrat Gifts

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Vlad the Inhaler

"Bed Spread"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"I had a low birth weight but a high birthright."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

You trip on it, you buy it.

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bell Hop

Bagel problems.

Male On Sunday

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

'Branding is essential if you're to survive in the Jungle of modern law...'

'Before we get into the scope, the breadth, the gravity and the cost of this mess...pour yourself a drink...'

'Dad a dachshund is really half a dog high and two dog long...'

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.