Witty Advisor Pillows

'Oh, and one more thing

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Bed Spread"

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'I feel I owe a lot to my country.' - 'So, you haven't paid your income tax again.'

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'What can we do to reduce our spending?'

Mom's Mortuary

Leonard L. Lipchitz: Sending the Law since 1972

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

Do you believe in money at first sight?

People want as much government as they deserve.

Plug: ' OHHH, Baby Baby.'

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

"Well, it's only one glass after dinner darling!"

Build a better mousetrap and the IRS will beat a path to your door.

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'

"Actually the salary isn't important. . . I just need a desk to rest my feet on."

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

'I'm worried that my crippling anxiety is going to shorten my life.'

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

Looking Daggers

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

"Once you get past the divine right of kings, I'm not much into theology."

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

'Ignore him - philosophers will do anything to attract attention.'