Witty Speaker Pillows

"Back when we were in college, and occasionally sleeping together, I never thought I'd be here, toasting you at your wedding to a woman."

"Bed Spread"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'Oh, and one more thing

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Oil painting is fine, but I can't do watercolours, obviously...'

The Algonquin Round Table

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Bat out of Hell

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

'I'd like an 'Innuendo' please - a big one.'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Do you believe in money at first sight?

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'