Witticism Collector Gifts

Life begins at forty? - That's when my arthritis kicked in.

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

The one thing about a queue is it keeps everyone in line.

Gossip-hearing something you like about someone you don't.

People who love the supine position tend to lie down on the job.

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

The water desk

'Thanks for not asking for a rise.'

'Did you bring any money? - Enlightenment doesn't grow on trees, you know!'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Pressing Problem

Witty T-Shirt Guy

'Yes, we made something better than sliced bread and built a better mousetrap, but maybe R&D needs new blood.'

Abstract art proves that things can be as bad as they look.

"Gone for a P."

Trending wise.

"Remember, I've got the Dog Catcher on speed dial."

"Why are you giving them whiskey?"

Cosmetics keep men from reading between the lines.

Liquor is legal, not compulsory.

Hit by corona.

Give a weed an inch and it'll take a yard.

The man of the hour is the guy whose wife asked him to wait a minute.

"That one I could never sell. It's stolen."

Technological Advances and the Experience of Age.

'Nice try, but I've heard the 'static cling' shoplifting defense before.'

'Cake philosophy'

W M. Beemers Adages

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Ya know, my mom always said, 'you can catch more flies with hones than with vinegar'!'

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