Witchy Humor Fans Gifts

'Needs more kale.'

"Here we are."

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Theatre Masks and Butts

"It's probably just seasonal."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Before they settled on water, shower pioneers experimented with a number of alternatives, including spaghetti,

"What do you mean Halloween ISN'T a paid holiday off?!"

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

'Because we're still part of society - that's why we have to go organic.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

"Then I told him, 'Unions are powerless in this country... What can you do to me?'"

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

Bank Robbery Statistics

"My new day job is killing me."

"The robber was about 5' 11"...."

To tell you the truth, I find it hard to be sympathetic for the plight of the beer vampire.

"Mr Bush? I have a little job for you in North Korea..."

The afternoons are okay, it's at night that I can't sleep.

'...tail of cat..tongue of toad and a good pinch of monosodium glutamate...'

Pass the SPF 20,000

'Now let's explore your dark side.'

Death Takes A Time-Share

"Eye of newt, spit of dragon ... eww - there's a hair in the brew."

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

"Hold on, I'll make that coffee to go!"

'I'm telling you I don't know where your goat is, look in the classifieds.'

Zombie Pulse Eating Vegans.