Wit Champions Pillows

"Not many swords in tonight..."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Miss America IQ Pageant

Doggone

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

Wordplay: Export.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Note Book

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Paper Boy

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

Stephen Fry.

Oscar Wilde

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

On second thought, your honor