Wit Pillows

"Son, if you can't say something nice, say something clever but devastating."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Wendall just had a great insight. He realised he's full of baloney.'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."

'Get a pen and paper quick, I'm about to say something witty before I die!'

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'I have nothing to declare but my genius!'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Is there someone else, Irene?', 'Sure - There's one born every minute.'

Paper Boy

Watering Can

Backfire

Dash Board

Spear Head

Doggone

Death Watch

Lime Light

Czarcasm

Not Much Cop

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Snowprov

"Ambitions... To have a bad hair day."

"I always wanted to be filthy, stinking, rich. So I suppose two out of three isn't bad."

"So, why are you crossing the road?"

'Let me inform the witness that 'horse-feathers' is not a proper response!'

Nothing makes people more suspicious than the facts.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'I live by my wits.' - 'You obviously live beyond your means.'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'Will you join me in a cup of tea?'

I.D. required for admission to Heaven

'He never listened to his mother!'