Tech Wit Pillows

"Alexa, mine me some bitcoin."

It appears the robots have skipped consciousness and gone straight to self-consciousness.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Google car."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

Snowprov

Backfire

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

Evolution.

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

I'm a self-made man!

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Doggone

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

How are you at decision making?

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Czarcasm

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'