Tech Wit Pillows

"This position has become very important to the company."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

Backfire

Snowprov

Evolution.

'Can our software do that?'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

I'm a self-made man!

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'Help! I'm wired and I can't get up!'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'Calling Tech Support does NOT count as one of my wishes!'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Doggone

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"A one-word email reply... classic power move."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

How are you at decision making?

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'I'm designing a robot that'll do my drafting homework for me,'

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"I'm trying to create a hologram of myself. If I'm successful, I'll never have to attend school, go to the dentist or go anywhere else that's boring again."