Wit Warrior Pillows

"My brain could kick her brain's butt."

'Oh yeah? -- Well, I have a theory about you!'

'He's a master of the cruel put down.'

Derek's Spontaneous Put Downs Were Legionary.

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

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'You're an interesting combination of shallow and thick.'

'Go ahead - scintillate. . . give us a sample of your homespun wit.'

"Maybe, The Rose and Crown isn't the best place to demonstrate your rapier wit."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

BBC radio one... Please Leave Your Brain at the Door

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Miss America IQ Pageant

Czarcasm

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wordplay: In The Bag.

Doggone

'The new lad's collecting shells again boss.'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Wordplay: Export.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'