Wit Champions Gifts

"Not many swords in tonight..."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Doggone

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

Miss America IQ Pageant

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

Wordplay: Export.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Note Book

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Paper Boy

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Stephen Fry.

"You make a great point."

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"