Wit Fan Gifts

Sublime

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Miss America IQ Pageant

Doggone

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

Loopholes

Paper Boy

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'He never listened to his mother!'

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

'Always the wise guy.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"