Wit Fan Gifts

Sublime

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Czarcasm

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Doggone

Wordplay: In The Bag.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Miss America IQ Pageant

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Loopholes

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'Time and tide wait for no woman..'

'He never listened to his mother!'

Paper Boy

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

Stephen Fry.

Counsel's Opinion.

Oscar Wilde

Conference Room. I don't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a compliment when the boss said "in every brainstorming session Ernie is a ray of sunshine."