Sports Wit Pillows

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

Backfire

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Doggone

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"I'm starting slowly with a trainer who just stands around talking about his personal life."

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

'He never listened to his mother!'

"Your sense of humor has gone from dry to arid. . ."

'I don't do 'Goodbyes' ...'

Paper Boy

Footballer kicking his own brain.

'The tests indicate you've been exposed to a new idea.'

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

Ref shows footballer green card.

"And then bear left at the war memorial, first right down Newton road and St Luke's is straight ahead."

'And it looks like the refs are going to call a hard fowl.'

The Puck Stops Here.

'Can't you ever forget you're a lawyer? When I said 'Sue my wife' I was making an introduction!'

Death Watch

Discus accidents.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

Birth of the Perpetual Fundraising Industry.

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

"No one is denying that you're smart. For that to happen someone would have to say you're smart."