Wise Grandmother Gifts

Another one of life's artifacts best left alone - the proverbial can of worms.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

Psychologist is SHOCKED by what his elderly patent is telling him.

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Rock on Grandma!

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'It will save us time if you don't tell me what still works and and what doesn't hurt.'

"I got the bagel less everythinged, and that has made all the difference."

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

'Mother knows best, Dear, so stop rolling your eyes.'

Elderly tightrope walker.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Grandma's Cupcakes And Details About My Foot Surgery

"Don't bother complaining about anything to granddad...he'll just say 'these are the best days of your life!!!'"

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

Quadruple espresso. Sorry, Uncle Mort. I'm gonna have to cut you off. I'm old! I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want! You think I got this old without knowing what I can and can't handle? Sorry. See?! I told you I - Zzz. A barista should always follow his instincts.

"Did I just give, or did I give wisely? That is the question."

"If you had listened to me when you were twelve, you wouldn't be in this mess."

"Why do you look very old, Grannie?"

"I'm prescribing my mother for your insomnia. She'll call you tonight to talk about her grandchildren."

'Why spend $12 million on market research? I'll just ask my mom.'

"Mom, when you want some privacy wear this. No one will come within 20 feet of you!"

How are my grandchildren? Ask them! They all live with me!

'Mom! Grandma is sneaking a smoke again!'

'Not only am I over the hill, I think I picked the wrong slope.'

"Like this, Tommy?"

Old man talking about how his attitude to politics has changed with age

"Before there was the Internet, Grandpa didn't know that he was right about everything."

'You never make the same mistake twice. You always come up with a new one.'

New Geriatric Aid.

God measures success by the weight of a heart- not a wallet.

'I like it when they're at the age where we can remember more than they can.'

'You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool Mum.'