Winter Safety Expert Gifts

'And watch out for the ... ice!'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

"That's the worst case of Cabin Fever that I've ever seen. Luckily, spring is right around the corner."

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

"Well, they have to hibernate somewhere...and your airing cupboard is no exception."

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

'I see a lot of that at this time of year...you've got a nasty case of cabin fever!'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'Best bit of winter pipe lagging I've seen for ages...unfortunately, that's just the scaffolding.'

"It's a deal. Help me find the acorns I buried and I'll help you find your bones."

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

How to save on your heating bill...

St Bernard Toilet Holder

"You'll thank me when you see the heating bill."

"Hey, it's March, so it's safe to put the snow shovel away, right? Right?"

How You Know It's Spring...

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"I'm not going to hammer it in. You hammer it in."

"If this doesn't work I'll turn on the heat."

'Tell him there's no such thing as the abominable snowman.'

Alberta on fire

This place is crawling with backstabbers, but they don't worry me.

"You know that's a waste of time, just chuck it on the fire to keep us warm."

Now do you see the point of regular electrical checks?

'George has decided to wear his electric blanket all the time.'

Know your Emergency Vehicles. . . Ambulance, Fire Truck and Emergency Parkas.

"The DEC advises hikers to stand out by wearing bright orange. I feel so much safer now!"

"The black flies go away when the mosquitoes show up."

"Well, we've done it, Sandy . . . we hit the 'cold snap tri-fecta:'. . ."

'Yeah sure it's cooking us from the inside out, but think of all the money we'll save on heating.'