Winter Retreats Gifts

I'D RATHER BE IN MIAMI, 'Oognik, I'd like to talk to you about your attitude...'

Skiing.

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Hacking through ice in order to fish

"You wanted a romantic getaway, so...get away."

'First of all, relax.'

Canada's winter survival kit.

Clown Skis.

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"It's days like this that make me glad I became a teacher."

Sun Worship

'Therapy always works best in a safe environment ... such as your old tree house.'

'He's telling them it's time to head south.'

"I wish there was a way to get out of the city this summer without leaving Manhattan."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"Oh, come on! I've told you, I'm not your 'imaginary friend.' I'm your father."

'Let's talk climate change.'

Self Storage Unit

'I'll be in Florida for the winter, but I've sublet my cave to a pair of nice Mormon missionaries.'

"I don't think there's enough vodka for another week in Canada."

Go away

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"It's amazing! A couple of inches of snow and the whole country grinds to a halt!"

'He's not hurt. He's just really, really cold.'

"I bought a new summer condo."

'You sure you've done this before?'

'Aren't the Swiss Alps wonderful this time of year, Bob? Bob?'

'Take me to Acapulco!'

"You will visit New York City, and it will be snowing, and all of the important landmarks will be way to close to one another."

"I bought a time share in South Beach."

'I'm getting worried about Goopta -- he's been having an out-of-body experience for three weeks now.'

'Whoa, rough landing! Are you guys okay?'

Trump Twitter ban