Wine Savant Gifts

The private view

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

The Vineyard

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

Yoga for Alcoholics

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Bacchus.

Sauvignon Bonk

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

French wine

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.