Wine Quiz Master T-Shirts

'Don't tell me, I know this one. Is it wine?'

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Pasta

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Great coffee, Carole."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Portfolio, 2011

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"Could I have a bottle of the Chateau Lafitte '67 but filled with the wine from Tesco 2019."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'