Wine Quiz Master T-Shirts

'Don't tell me, I know this one. Is it wine?'

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

Pasta

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"And then, suddenly, it was 3 P.M., and she hadn't really got anything done."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Portfolio, 2011

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

'I'd recommend the white wine.'