Wine Judge T-Shirts

'The merlot is 100 merlot; the pinot noir is 100 pinot noir, and the chardonnay is 100 Swiss chard.'

Nice bouquet.

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

Trial by Media

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Good boy."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

In the Guru District

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

I love Lawyers

'Court's in recess!'

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"