Art Judge T-Shirts

"The selection committee turned down my painting as 'tribe and banal' but they'd like to exhibit the envelope I sent it in."

Trial by Media

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"Good boy."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

You're my Mona Lisa.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Use your imagination.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"Personally, I'm a doer."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

I love Lawyers

'Court's in recess!'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"