Wine And Champagne Connoisseur Gifts

Here's to all those suckers we've convinced money won't make them happy.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

Sloaney Pony.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

'No ice.'

Bacchus.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Now I really hate poetry."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Join me in a Martini?

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Bubbly

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.